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May. 14th, 2006 | 02:35 pm
posted by: serenityscreams in asian4caucasian

*I've gotten so many random replies directed towards my inbox I can't tell you what this topic involved anymore... but you kids have fun carrying on ;)*

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Comments {38}

That Asian Kid

(no subject)

from: seoulstice
date: May. 15th, 2006 02:12 am (UTC)
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Asian girls have more options.

It's in vogue to have a "thing" for asian girls among non-asian guys but not so much vice versa. I think it's also about perceptions and assumptions about asian girls as well as asian guys.

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That Asian Kid

(no subject)

from: seoulstice
date: May. 15th, 2006 02:15 am (UTC)
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By vice versa I meant non-asian girls having a thing for asian guys.

And no, I won't show you my boobs. I'm a prude.

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Sam Hunckry

(no subject)

from: ccwang
date: May. 15th, 2006 05:46 pm (UTC)
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I deem it as a common and frustrating observation, even though my friends try to tell me otherwise. Believe it or not, I actually read a book on this.

Generally, women have higher barriers than men when it comes to relationships. For most caucasion women, for example, an Asian man (and his gang) may appear culturally "foreign." Thus, the unfamiliarity creates an extra higher barrier for the Asian man because there is more risk and less to identify with the Asian man.

It gets worse for those that are actually foreign because the "game" is played differently here. The dating scene here in the U.S. requires more hard-to-get flirtations -- whereas Asians were raised to believe, "As long as you treat her right and nice, she'll be yours."

Werid, eh? I think so, too.

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Sam Hunckry

(no subject)

from: ccwang
date: May. 17th, 2006 05:59 pm (UTC)
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By the way, check out this video.

http://brucechang.blogspot.com/2006/02/yellow-fever.html

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(no subject)

from: anonymous
date: May. 24th, 2006 06:40 am (UTC)
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Many Asian men are programed to uphold their culture. We've grown up watching how our fathers would act or treat our mothers. Typically, a woman's role in the older generation is more subservient.
You can see why many more women would prefer to be more "independent" and lead a life outside what they've seen.
From experience, even though I'm half-mixed, acting against tradition produces comments like.. "He's very American" or "He acts more white". It is used derogatory as much as it is complimentary, depending on the degree of acceptance from that particular person.
I am unique in a way, so I don't get it as much. I do know though that dating outside your race as an Asian male would typically outcast you to many of your friends (which are typically the same race)as well as family. I personally don't care for people like that, but it does happen.

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(no subject)

from: bajoelarbol
date: Mar. 11th, 2009 01:18 am (UTC)
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What about the fact that Asian men are considered too feminine. Like for example, visual kei Japanese bands where the guys dress up like women, or korean dramas where the guys have longer hair, seem to take care of their appearance and act "kawaii." It gives the impression from a western perspective, that Asian men are too feminine. I like Asian guys, but it took me a while to get used to this in the media that comes from Asia, I just prefer men to be more masculine and not "kawaii" I guess.

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axl

(no subject)

from: axl12
date: Jun. 20th, 2006 02:39 pm (UTC)
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Caucasian men found Asian women more feminine

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The Cynical Idealist

(no subject)

from: ennuiescapist
date: Sep. 8th, 2006 04:22 pm (UTC)
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Sorry, I have to differ with you on the "self hate" generalization. Perhaps it's a part of it, for some, but there are many reasons for this phenomenon, most already listed here.

In my case, I have to say that I've dated non-Asian guys because that's what I've been surrounded by: non-Asian guys. I'm adopted, I was raised by a white family in the whitey-white Scandinavian and Germanic Midwest. What do you expect? If I had been raised in SoCal, it might be a different story... Although I know that the phenomenon is especially noticeable, there...

I've only had one opportunity to date an Asian male and to be honest, most Asian males I've met sense that I'm culturally different from them; I believe that plays a hand, too. I'm not Korean enough to Korean males raised in Korea or within Korean families, not to mention that, as a one-time orphan, I'm a nobody in their eyes.

It bothers me that Asian men judge my Belarussian boyfriend (I lived in Russia for five years) and I when we go out together. They know nothing about me or my background, nor his, yet they begin to prickle with all kinds of presumptions when they see us.

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The Cynical Idealist

(no subject)

from: ennuiescapist
date: Sep. 8th, 2006 06:41 pm (UTC)
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>By the way, how did dating the one Asian male go? Was he a thoroughly "Americanized" person like yourself, or was he somehow just "too Asian" for you?

It was during my first year of college, after I had moved away from the hickish, small German town I was raised in.

He saw me at a Halloween party and had a massive crush on me and told everyone I knew that he liked me, investigated me and found out everything he could about me.

I was not attracted to him, not because he was Chinese, but because I was simply not personally attracted to him. I have been physically attracted to and interested in men of all appearances, including Asian.

Also, the added element of him knowing everything about me upon our first meeting, opposed to me knowing nothing about him, was a little unsettling. I felt obligated to date him once, but made it clear that I was not interested in him, something I still feel badly about to this day... :(

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The Cynical Idealist

(no subject)

from: ennuiescapist
date: Sep. 8th, 2006 06:51 pm (UTC)
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>although traces of "self-hate" may exist for some, in that they sense that their "own" culture is somehow inferior or to be ashamed of because they are surrounded by the majority culture.

This is a complicated issue, with likewise complex feelings involved.

I admit that this self-hatred absolutely existed in me as a child who was made fun of for looking different - at the time, it was also about acceptance by the "majority" culture, or the "assimilation" effect as that is something that all children and teens strive for; but as an adult, this is not true, or if it is, it is only on a subconscious level.

From another angle, I have often felt ambiguous, and even resentful, of Korean culture because I feel that it has abandoned me. For me personally, this, also, could attribute to a lowered interest in dating Koreans, specifically.

Interestingly enough, when I look at the other Korean adoptees I have known and grown up with, I see that all of them have married non-Asians...

I wonder if this is true of adoptees on the West and East coasts...?

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The Cynical Idealist

(no subject)

from: ennuiescapist
date: Sep. 8th, 2006 08:17 pm (UTC)
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Let's just say that you are very fortunate to have grown up relatively sheltered from the ridiculous cruelty and injustice of racism and without the identity crisis so often seen among many adoptees.

I recently came across this argument and someone posted a website address that was the absolute antithesis of the stereotypical Asian-looking, geek guy who can't get a date. It was great - macho Asian men with women of all appearances flocking to them.

The men on the site basically said the same thing you have, albeit more bluntly: i.e., get over it, stop being proactive and pick yourself up some hot babes like we do every day! ;)

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(Deleted comment)

The Cynical Idealist

uH OH

from: ennuiescapist
date: Sep. 11th, 2006 02:54 pm (UTC)
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I may be creating another monster... Sheesh, what am I doing? I got a little curious and found this site for Don Juans:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=53450&highlight=Asian+males

I think this is the site you're looking for:

http://theasianplayboy.blogspot.com/

What am I doing...?!?!?! :O

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The Cynical Idealist

And in case that wasn't enough...

from: ennuiescapist
date: Sep. 11th, 2006 02:57 pm (UTC)
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http://www.aznlover.com/vbulletin/index.php?

I'm all about empowering other people.

I'm not so sure that I like the whole Don Juan concept, though... Pick-up Artists run rampant. They suck. Seduction techniques I can justify, but not for the sake of using and abusing...

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The Cynical Idealist

PUA's make their own graves

from: ennuiescapist
date: Sep. 11th, 2006 04:03 pm (UTC)
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I'm all for confidence and improving one's prospects, but the underhandedness of the "game" and the techniques they use are questionable. What is category "3"?

Interestingly enough, most PUA's do end up shooting themselves in a figurative sense, either by winding up in a situation like the one you describe, or by finding themselves enslaved by the very game they wanted to control; one of the PUA's I had a lengthy convo with described it as becoming a boring chess match; he could win the strategic game in 3 moves and it was no longer fun.

Needless to say, I think most of the PUA's eventually wisen up and ove on, but not before leaving a lot of broken hearts and cynical women in their wakes... :(

Well, if so, so be it... I think anyone who wholeheartedly adopts this way of being was probably a monster to begin with. :) I do claim responsibility for perhaps corrupting one or two...

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(Deleted comment)

The Cynical Idealist

Re: PUA's make their own graves

from: ennuiescapist
date: Sep. 11th, 2006 07:41 pm (UTC)
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Well, I do agree with you, to some extent. I find some of the NLP a way of manipulating people in an underhanded way... I guess it all lies in the intent.

The rush seems to stop when one becomes an expert.

I see what you're saying and actually, I have never envied the position men are in our society. I agree that many likely become PUA's after being shot down a few too many times; perhaps they just need a taste of the other side to find balance? Anyway, I find the whole subject fascinating. I delved deeply into it a while ago.

As for the bad boy thing - Yes, I myself have never undestood that. I have also never understood why men go for the crazy, selfish, heartless bitches. Hm.

>Let's just face it. People are fucked up.

I've noticed! :)


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APB Here

from: anonymous
date: Sep. 12th, 2006 11:39 am (UTC)
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Well, I liken PU to martial arts. A man can learn the skill, but it's ultimately up to him to decide how, when, and in what moral context to use it.

You also have to realize, most of the guys that do this (including the vast majority of my Asian students) never learned PROPER flirting behavior. Smiling, relaxed, etc.

Another point, beautiful women, by nature, are the greatest skilled in "The Game." They've been in it since they hit puberty and have been hit on almost every single day of their life. They play the Game by instinct and, again, it's up to them to decide if they're going to play nice, or crush every nice guy's heart.

Amd finally, look at every Cosmo, Vogue, and other girl-mags. A quick look at the Cosmo site and it's front magazine reveals...

"101 Sex Tricks!"
"Which Makeup Effect Do Guys Go Gaga For?"
"How to Hose Down a Horn Dog"

Break it down to the more clinical, scientific PUA terminology and you've got...

"101 Ways to Get Past LMR!"
"What's a Great Way to Peacock So Girls Approach You More!'
"How to Eject from an UG Set."

Hell, there's some teen Cosmo that's even got a Diagram/Flowchart for hooking that cute schoolboy.

Women have their Game. Men have theirs.

Asian Playboy
http://theasianplayboy.blogspot.com

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The Cynical Idealist

Re: APB Here

from: ennuiescapist
date: Sep. 12th, 2006 01:24 pm (UTC)
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Hey, no way! Is that really you?! :O

Hm. While I see what you're saying and agree with it, for the most part, I don't think that all women, beautiful or not, have game...

Oh, yes. The Teen mags and Cosmo. Yes, I have to admit that I did learn quite a bit from them. ;) But the stuff about boys is just... fluff.

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The Cynical Idealist

Re: On-topic tangent

from: ennuiescapist
date: Sep. 12th, 2006 05:49 pm (UTC)
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Hm. Perhaps you could solve a problem for me?

How do you explain the following phenomenon?

-Asian girl is told that she is beautiful all the time and finds out, second-hand that so-and-so thinks/says, etc. that she is "hot", but she is rarely hit on by men; when said girl is hit on, it tends to be by 1)foreign men 2) african-american men 3) older men 4) clueless men.

-If it helps, said girl doesn't put a lot of effort into flirting and has a tendency to be introverted

Perhaps you could explain this with your pick-up expertise? Is it that introverted/beautiful is the worst combo for girls and guys alike? Hm....

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(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)

The Cynical Idealist

Re: PUA's make their own graves

from: ennuiescapist
date: Sep. 12th, 2006 05:43 pm (UTC)
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Yes, I guess I have to agree that like any powerful tool, NLP can be misued. It is the intent that is the main thing.

As for thinking before mouthing off - well, I can be an opinionated jerk in many cases, so yes, this is very true. :)

We all could use a little more empathy!

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The Cynical Idealist

(no subject)

from: ennuiescapist
date: Sep. 8th, 2006 08:19 pm (UTC)
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OOPS - of course, I meant START being proactive. :)

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(Deleted comment)

jia feong

Asian men CAN be popular... (thanks to media anyways)

from: jia_feong
date: Jun. 29th, 2006 03:53 pm (UTC)
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read that some white men think that white women are becoming too independent and demanding, so the image of a submissive asian woman is more comforting to them.


i read in a book that Asian men are popular among women in France because of a movie about an Asian man in China protecting a French journalist during the Cultural Revolution. This image was obviously much more desired than the stereotypes we "normally" have.

As for the movie title...it's a French movie. but if anyone's interested, let me know (I'll have to look it up...)

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Behind The Yellow Curtain

Re: Asian men CAN be popular... (thanks to media anyways)

from: btyellowcurtain
date: Jul. 18th, 2006 07:11 pm (UTC)
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I would love to see it...and then move to France.

All the points above are quite interesting but being an Asian male and being limited to who is attracted to us sucks to be quite frank. I know that's an over-generalization since I've seen and met some white girls who have dated Asian guys but its certainly more of a rarity.

But fuck it, I'm trying anyway. Let the revolution begin.

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jia feong

Re: Asian men CAN be popular... (thanks to media anyways)

from: jia_feong
date: Jul. 23rd, 2006 06:45 pm (UTC)
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X| I'm sorry!!!!! I made a mistake. THe movie wasn't set during the Cultural Revolution, it was in French Saigon. (I don't know/remember how I mixed it up...)

The movie: L'Amant (1992), translated, The Lover is a novel by Marguerite Duras based on true life events. It was made into a movie...but in the Hollywood version, the asian male, and white girl meet a tragic fate. THe novel brings them together in the end...which is rather funny to hear. Whereas in THe Count of Monte Cristo, Mercedes is supposed to go into a convenant but in the movie they let Mercedes be with Dantes. -_-;;;

Asian men are also quite popular in Scandinaian countries, where they are seen as rich, and refined.

The above information I read from The Asian Mystique by Sheridan Prasso.

anyway, I personally think that it's just a (false) stereotype that Asian men can't be with white women. If the girl thinks the asian guy is a wimp, then she has issues, not the guy.

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Behind The Yellow Curtain

Re: Asian men CAN be popular... (thanks to media anyways)

from: btyellowcurtain
date: Jul. 24th, 2006 12:46 am (UTC)
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I've seen the Lover with Jane March but I think that's a different one. I've traveled to Finland and may be in Stockholm. Would love to test that rumor but its hard to find a girl who's shorter than 5'10"

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(Deleted comment)

(no subject)

from: anonymous
date: Aug. 11th, 2006 01:35 pm (UTC)
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I'm 1/2 white 1/2 Okinawan and moved to Okinawa from the U.S. when I was 5 years old. I have always been attracted to asian men but growing up none of them were ever interested in me. I happened to get all of my dad's white genes and no one would ever guess I have a drop of asian in me. While lots of Okinawan, Japanese and other Asian men here are interested in the 1/2 girls and women and date them they seem to shy away from the totally white looking women. I've always felt awkward in my Caucasian sized body while being surrounded by small asian girls. I've often felt that asian men, here at least, only go for foreign women who are as small as asian women. I've always been subjected to crude comments about the size of my feet, breasts, etc by Japanese speaking men who assume I as a "gaijin" don't understand what they are saying never realizing my Japanese is as fluent as theirs. You'd think that would have turned me off but I still only find asian men attractive. Go figure...

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The Cynical Idealist

(no subject)

from: ennuiescapist
date: Sep. 8th, 2006 04:38 pm (UTC)
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In my case, because I am a korean adoptee raised by white parents in a white family in the white Scandinavian and Germanic Midwest, surrounded by white boys to date. Not very difficult to understand, when viewed in this light.

Additionally, there are around 200,000 Korean adoptees who were raised and are being raised by white families, not to mention the other few hundred thousand kids being adopted from China and Vietnam. Is it so mysterious that Asians raised in white families, living and socializing in predominantly (or entirely) white environments, would have a tendency to identify themselves ethnically with whites and therefore most often find themselves dating whites?

In my case, I can say that I just happened to fall in love with non-Asian men. I'm tired of people looking at my Belarussian boyfriend (I lived in Russia for five years and got a bit Russified) and I - especially male Asians - and making judgments and presumptions based on our appearance. They know nothing about him or me, and frankly, I find their attitude just as racist as it gets.

As I said below, Asian men also seem to sense that I'm not Asian culturally and most do not appear to be interested in me. In the case of some Korean men, I'm not even really a person, as an individual who was once orphaned and thus, has no "identity" or bloodline
.
It used to bother me more than it does now that I can just chalk it up to ignorance, but occassionally, it still does make me very angry.

In the cases of other non-adopted Asian women, it is more likely a phenomenon due to the various reasons listed below. This a frequently seen topic of debate...

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